Tears of neverending sorrow, laughter of infinte happines
by alice.nowland
Summary: 8 years after war Wizarding world is slowly going to another one. Hermione who has found herself in another battle is trying to realize what she should do next, feels lost and so she begins to think of the past, of meeting with Severus and other men, of getting pregnant...and thinks if all steps she took were right. Snape doesn't die in Hogwarts, I also ignore the epiloge. Rate M
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter one **

A tear rolled down on my face. "You don't have to stay, you can go with us! Please!" I cried pushing my palm against his chest gently. He seemed to be so calm, although I knew that inside he was destroyed, destroyed by pain and fear, but it didn't make it any better. I was desperate, I didn't know what to do or how to act. We were in war…again. You know, the book is closed and then everyone has a comforting feeling that everything is going to be all right, but the truth is, it's not always that bright as it seems to be.

It began with small revolutions of old deatheatrs who weren't imprisorned and with some relatives of those who were. They were not worth mentioning. Afterwards, they became stronger and stronger and I had a feeling like a I have used the time-turner and got myself 8 years back, the only thing which didn't fit in this strange nightmare was that I wasn't the young 17-year old girl with power to beat the evil anymore. I have lost some of the energy I used to have, I know it seems like it wrote a 60-year old lady, but it's truth. I'm tired, tired of worrying as it has been so much stress during last 3 years.

Yes, it longs for 3 years now. Of course, not so intensive for the whole time, but it has been 3 years since the first „stronger" „demonstration" or how to call the incident when a bunch of people in black clothes and silly masks (which they think can hide their identity – or their behaving?) meet in streets to kill young couples in streets, whole families – or when they find one of the parents of the family too protecting the others – each member of the family except that one for who (as they know) living doesn't have a sense anymore and they actually wish to die, wish to protect their family or at least, when they can't, hopefully meet them in the heavan. These people don't find joy in killing people, they find joy in killing happiness.

Of course, there are some people among them with sad destiny, there are children of some deatheaters who went to Azkaban and died in a few days – yes, they were able to kill hundreds of people, but they weren't able to survive with memories of wishes of their victims to save their children, grandmas, grandpas, lovers, wives…in front of their faces. They probably weren't heartloss, but they weren't strong enough to do anything against the dark Lord either. Maybe because of fear for their family, or maybe because of fear of their own death. Still, those destinies don't apologize you for such acts.

Yes, I am desperate and tired of worrying, but not for my life. I am desperately worried for life of my lover – Severus, and God, for death feared of my little Jordan, the sunshine of my life. It has been two years after the battle excatly, when I have first met Severus after getting the thoughts of his there in Hogwarts.

He hasn't died, thanks to Neville to whom I told about him and his situation and who was so brave to almost lose his own life to get Madame Pomfrey to Severus and try to help him.

I was actually supposed to be engaged that time – with Ron, of course. Both families – mine and his were expecting to get marry any time soon that time, as we have been together too long in their eyes not to move our relationship forward. And of course, they were trying to push us in the marriage as they couldn't stand being without grandchildren so long. Or at least – Mrs. Wealsey was, as all of Ron's siblings seemed to try to catch what they have lost in the past years so having children or getting married was the last thing they have been thinking of.

Actually, it wouldn't be complete truth that no of his sibling didn't want to have children soon, Bill and Fleur did. However, they have been trying for a baby even during the last year of the war, as they said „there is never ideal time to have children", but they haven't been succesful for quite a long time. It made Fleur very unhappy, so a year after winning the battle, they decided to take a break from everything for some time and try to have a family later. So they ended up as all other Weasley siblings travelling, discovering new places, new cultures and enjoying the World as it is, at least for some time. So when it came to grandchildren, Mrs. Weasley was hoping that me and Ron could be the first one to give her one.

On the other hand, I understand why she thought so, Ron was the only from the seven children who after war was trying to focus on his job in the Ministry of Magic. When Voldemort was finally defeated, everyone was trying to get as much as posibble from the life. It is understandable, Voldemort was gone and you have survived. Your family has survived or at least a part of it. You had a strong need to experience something, something new, something exceting…and something out of work. The magic world has gone crazy, there were only a few people who realized what it could mean for our world if we wouldn't continue in living how we have before the war.

There were many things to repare, of course, Voldemort was gone, but he has left us a lot of memories and I don't mean just the sorrow. The whole magic World needed to be restored. However, not all the poeple seemed to understand that so it ended up that not all of the death eaters who vere supposed to be caught and put into Azkaban really were. Harry was trying his best as well, but it takes much more people to do such a great thing and besides, he was very exhausted as well. For the first time in 17 years, he could walk the streets without a worry there would be a bunch of people out there trying to get him. O.K., that isn't actually truth, as there were still some crazy death eaters trying to revenge, however, it wasn't that intensive kind of stress for him anymore.

He could finally enjoy being with Ginny and try to bring the World to her feet – and he almost did so! Really! I think, he wanted to catch all the moments he has lost when they two were seperated while me and Ron were together. It is a paradox, as it didn't take even a year for me and Ron to realize that it wasn't a real love between us. Of course, it was some kind sensibility – for sure, but it wasn't love. We were both lost in our lives – who wouldn't be? But we couldn't live the life together, I am happy we have realized it at the same time, so although it wasn't hurtless, we were able to save our friendship afterwards, which isn't very common among ex-lovers.

So Harry was in love with Ginny and was able to fullfil all of her dreams and wishes while was still working next to it try to do his best. All right, I picture it very very dark, it wasn't that bad with the wizarding World that time, there were still quite many people trying to restore the World, but still it wasn't enough and it was clear there were some wholes in the Wizarding World which could be quite easily broken by people, who wanted to punch our society again. Just noone really expected or at least didn't want to believe, that something like that could happen.

I didn't.

I wasn't strong enough to do.

It was actually the anniversary of the end of the battle when I have met Severus after such a long time. He wanted to be alone for some time, which I understood after all what happened, and beside that – it's still Severus, he doesn't enjoy being in society much, so it was no surprise I haven't seen him for a long time. He was staying in the other corner of the room to which people came to celebrate and get drunk together after some of the encouraging speeches. I wasn't very in the mood to listen to anyone telling me that after we fall we can get up so easily, we just need the hope and will. I didn't believe in such sucks that moment, I have broken up wit Ron two motnhs ago and was confused.

I wasn't sad because of doing that, I knew it was a good step which could finally move me forward, as we both knew that our realiton ship isn't leading us anywhere, I was simply confused of not knowing where to lead my own life now. The War was over, mission finished. I was trying to focus on my work as Ron did and it seemed to work for him, as I know he did as well as a kind of distraction, life was hard after the War. It's not like drub and say it's gone, the pain of losing dear ones leaves slowly, like it didn't really want to leave. And work wasn't really fullfilling my life completely – surprisingly. I was good in it, I was succesful, but it wasn't enough. I needed some else, something what Ron couldn't give me and I have known much longer time he would never able to. Although he tried.

I went through the room to the other door in hope I could find some calmer place. I have just looked to the other room from the opened door when a voice behind my back has reached me. „It's not any better there, just those who are in a bit too much good mood from all the celebrating and drinking try to find a place to rest in the company of their hopefully sober friends." I turned back and I have faced him – Severus. His eyeas reached mine and he tried to make a small smile. I smiled back and then nodded my head and grinned a bit. „I was trying to find a calmer place, this is all too much for me right now."I have said a bit exhausted. „I am afraid, it's not going to be any better in the future years."His deep voice answered.

„Well, I mean I am not really in the mood to listen to all those speeches, it hasn't healed yet." „I wouldn't say it's just because of the whole thing is still so recent, I find it disguisting because all the people there listening to the hero speeches and nodding in understandment have nothing to do with the whole war at all. Or at least not on our side. And now they come and say how horibble it has been for them. For them! They have no idea what it means to be in War. What it really means fight and try and risk your life! They have no idea what it means to see all those people die without having opportunity to help them…" His voice has dimed. I looked at him in confusion. „I am sorry, I didn't' want to bother you with my deep thoughts, too deep for such a young lady for whom the whole World still awaits…"He gave me a small nod and then turned back. „It doesn't."

„Sorry?" He turned back slowly. „You have said the whole World awaits me. It is not truth. Before the war everyone thought it would all change if we would win. That the life would be so bright and shiny as it used to be. Those people were wrong, not for everyone. The War is over and I have no idea what I am going to do, I have lost many of my close friends, friends who were a family to me. Me and my boyfriend have found out we are not meant to be together and because of this decision my parents currently don't talk to me as they loved him probably more than I would ever be able to. Everyone thought it would be all amazing now, but I don't see it. I don't find happiness in myself anymore and I know I was able to do so in the past…

"I have said and then I have suddenly stopped. Severus stared at me and wasn't able to say a word. „I am sorry, I didn't meant to say so much, you don't care about my stupid life, it's just…I have been full all of these emotions and noone seems to have compassion for it." „No, now it's you who is wrong.I do care, let's continue." I looked at him in complete shock. He has changed, I don't know why but he did. The tall black-dressed proffesor who used to bully students was different. Just by the fact he has told me so much, without any reason, withou really knowing me.

Yes, I have said a lot too, much much more than he has, but that's just because I cannot keep my mouth shut for a longer time and because of something, I cannot explain which made me thing I could trust him. That he would listen, after all he has to know in the first place what it is like to deal with such a sorrow. „Don't you want to get out of here for a while, Miss Granger?" He asked after a while, trying to ignore an old man in the room behind him singing out of tune the national hymn. I nodded and so we went out of the room.

Please review and let me know what you think about it. Wheter I should continue or not. :-)


	2. Chapter 2

We haven't looked at each other until we got out of the building, as it wasn't very easy to get through the laughing crowds. When I was finally outside, I have felt myself much better, I don't know if it was just by the fresh air, or by the relief that I am finally out of the whole embarassing happening. Maybe it was just that I was with Severus alone for the first time. From the opened door was comming a subdued noise and I have finally looked on Severus, it was hard to guess how he felt, as I  
simply couldn't read in his neutral face.

"Don't we go for a short walk?"He asked slowly and I nodded toward the direction of a path, leading to a small wood. It was a very late afternoon but it wasn't very dark yet, as it was hot summer and the Sun has spent a long time on the sky these days, before it set. "I would go to these woods, it's quite nice place for a walk." "If you think." Was the only answer I got so I led us there, through the paths I used to go through as a little child. In recent time I liked a lot to follow my childhood steps. It'so nice to remember the days when the only fear was darkness in my bedroom.

We walked in complete silent, he didn't seem to want to tell anything and I didn't want to interrupt the silence by myself. We have walked this just about half an hour, but it has seemed to last for hours. He was strange, in the celebrating room he seemed he wanted to talk with me, after all it was him who began our conversation, which was pretty pleasant and I thougt it would continue during our walk, but it didn't.

Suddenly, he became the unsociable person I used to know and I didn't know why he did so or how to change it. Finally we have come to crossroad with a bench in the middle. "I think we should return now, I don't remember exactly where these two paths lead to."I looked at him as I broke the silence. It felt a bit akward to do so, but it he didn't seemed to be bothered by it. "That's all right, let's try to go left. I really don't want return yet, I am expected to give a speech which is the last think I would want to do. I don't need anyone to shake my hands for being so brave during the war" I didn't know what to respond, so I simply nodded and followed him on the path leading left.

With every step we took the wood became darker and darker, I don't know if it was because of the wood or the time, as I had no idea what the time was, maybe it was because of the atmosphere as from leaving the crossrode the emberassing silence continued. However, when Severus finally stopped it was very dark, that I have recognized just his silhouette. "You know, people tell you not to lose the hope, no mather the circumstances, but it's sucks." "Sorry?" "I have lost mine when Lily died, the only one I reached after that was fullfiling the mission I had to complete. My job was to help Harry defeat Voldemort, to make sure he'll be all right, I have fullfiled my mission and I was supposed to die that night. Lily did so, she died protecting Harry, giving him the chance to live, I was supposed to act the same way.

My sense to live has died with her that night, I have lived only because she would want me to protect Harry, while she couldn't, but then I was supposed to die! That night in Hogwarts, I was supposed to die! But thanks to you I am alive! "His voice wasn't gentle anymore, you couldn't feel any compassion or understandment from it now. He was cold. I couldn't see his face, but I was sure it's better that way, as his voice was frighening enough.

"I thought you would want to live if you had a chance. A real life. You have been nothing than surviving from Lily's death, I thought that the World was too unfair to you to let you die that night." "Don't try to analyse me, Miss Granger! You didn't known any of my thoughts or wishes and it was none of your buisness! I think that night there was enough to care about. You should let me die that night." He has made a step forward me but I didn't step backwards. "I did what I thought was the best!"

"But you had no idea what was the best! Why didn't you let me die? Was it so hard for you not to be a hero for once?!" He has made one more step forward and he has stopped right before me, that even in the darkness it was posibble to recongize all features of his face. "I had to kill so many people while I was working for Voldemort, I could kill one more. If I just knew that it was the revange which would make me free." I put my hand in the pocket to take my wand out, but he was faster than me. "Don't try such things on me." And took it from my hand, he put out his own wand and cought my neck. He pointed the wand against my temple.

" I thought you deserved a real life! I had no idea what it would mean for any of us to live after the war."I have whispered in a hope to make him put the wand down. He was broken. Completely broken I did and unless I was in his strong grip I would understand his behaving. He needed to make others hurt as well. "So this the reason why you went out with me? Did you know it from the very first moment you have seen me? It was your intention for the whole time? To get me and hurt me?" I asked a bit bitterly, but not too much to make sure it doesn't make him angry enough to kill me immediatly.

"No, I didn't. Just from the moment you have shown compassion to me. As it was actually you who have caused all of this sucks which is happening to me. Why did you did to me?!" He shook with me a bit, a tear has glisted in his eye in the moonlight and then he has slowly put the wand down. "I – I am sorry…I didn't meant to – to hurt you. You weere the first person after such a long time who actually cared, I am such a fool. I just…" And then I put one my hand on his cheek , and waited until his eyes reached mine. Than I slowly nodded. The tears began to roll down from his eyes immediatly. "Thank you."

I hope you are not going to throw rocks on me, I just felt the story should go this way. It's a short one, but I thought I should show you the way I would like to lead this story. Review please, to let me know your opinion if it's still worth continuing! :-)


	3. Chapter 3

I didn't know what to think about all of it. The previous evening was strange. I ought to be angry with him, but I just couldn't make myself to. He was so unhappy, that I couldn't think about anything else. I didn't care that he tried to hurt me, I just thought of how lost he must feel. „That's called love." I turned back and saw Ginny comming to me in the kitchen with a grin on her face. I stopped thinking and realized that I have been looking in the fridge for about five minutes without taking anything out o fit. I looked at Ginny blushed a bit and shook my head a bit to show her (or maybe myself) she's wrong.

„Oh God Ginny! I am not in love! Where did you get such a stupid thought?" Ginny knew what happened in the forest – not all o fit, I missed the part with Severus poining his wand on me while I was telling her. She is one of a few very close friends I actually have and after that evening I really needed to tell someone. She decided to visit me - although she planned to be on her way to Bolivia with Harry by this time. „Well, let me think. I looked at you and you told me." „No, I didn't!" „Not with words, but it's clear that…" „Severus and I are just friends! Or maybe even that not.

I actually don't know but what I know for sure is, that I am NOT in love with him! Ginny stop it!" Ginny began laughing and with each word I said her laughter grew a bit. „Sorry, it's just that you're so funny trying to persuade yourself that there is nothing between you and him although you know that…" „All right, that's enough! Just because you are so much in love with Harry it doesn't mean that everyone else in the World has to be in love too. I am satisfied living on my own and he last thing I want is to be in love. I care about Severus because he is going through difficult time and he can understand what I go through as well.

That's why I think we could get on pretty well." „That's why you are going on dinner next Friday with him, you wanted to say…" Ginny grinned. „Ginny!" I took the tea towel and threw it at her. Very soon after the evening in the woods I got an owl with a letter from him in which he asked wheter I wouldn't mind accompany him on Friday evening during some interview he was supposed to give. He has been avoiding such things as long as it was posibble, but eventually the Order of Phoenix persuaded him that it would be good if each of the main warriors leave at least some information and thoughts for next generations.

He hardly believed someone would actually care about his thoughts and opinions, but at the end he agreed to do so. As the time of meeting with the reporter became closer, he realized he really doesn't want to do it, but he couldn't change it anymore. He has promised to do so and he has always tried to keep his promises. I didn't mind to accompany him, if it made him feel better, but as I was watching Ginny's reaction, I began regret a bit…Ginny couldn't stand it anymore and began to laugh unstoppably. After a few seconds I had to laugh too, so we were staying in the kitchen for a while just constantly laughing and throwing the tea towel at each other.

Ginny was a great friend, but she couldn't understand everything. She just wanted to find a lover in every man I have met in recent days since I have split up with Ron. Sometimes I had a feeling she tried to get me someone when I was still with Ron. On the other hand, it's truth it's hard to say if me and Ron actually ever were real lovers maybe that's why she as Ron's sister took it so well when we split up. I think she knew, of course she knew as everyone else, me and Ron was just a question of time. I want to be on my own for some time now, I don't need anything but a good friend.

The time gone unbelievable fast and before I could even realized it, I was staying in front of the door to a restaurant where I was supposed to meet with Severus. "Come on, it's gonna be fine! You're just two friends meeting up in a restaurant" I was trying to calm myself down. Why should I be nervous? There is absolutely no reason for that! But it didn't help much, I went to the room and looked around.

Severus told me he would be sitting in the left corner of the room and so he did, there was already a young blond lady sitting on a chair in front of him and he seemed feeling quite inconvenient. However, as I had gone to the table and he noticed me, he began to look a bit more relaxed. "Good evening." I said while I was sitting on a chair next to Severus, which he has moved for me so I could sit comfortably. "Thank you." I smiled at him and he gave me something, which may (just may) could be called a smile as well. "Good evening." The blond girl said. "My name's Melissa, it's very nice to finally meet you." "Thank you, I am Hermione Granger."

"Of course, I do know who you are! And I am very happy you have decided to join our report. Interview of a couple who has been in the middle of the war and survived will be much more interesting for our readers." She gave me a big smile and opened her notepad. "We are not a couple." Severus said coldly, looking at the woman without any special interest. "We are just friends." I corrected her. "And I was actually hoping, than giving my own report to let speak Mr. Snape and maybe add some mine thoughts to it. I don't really need to have an article in the magazine, I have already given a lot of interviews and I don't think there is really much left unsaid." I said hoping it wouldn't be necessary to give another never ending report from the Wizarding War.

"Well, I thought it would be very nice to make it as a report of two people. Although just friends." She looked a bit disappointed but a bit suspicious as well. I already began to worry what she was going to write down from her personal notes. Maybe it was such a good idea… "Really, you don't have to worry about the interview. I won't ask too much!" And she gave me a big smile. To most of her questions I have already answered, but when I have mentioned it, it didn't make her feel any kind of uncomfortable. She has just said that it would be always good to inform people about how tough the war was and than she continued.

About three-quarters later, she excused herself and went to the toilets. I turned to Severus and didn't find him that annoyed as I expected. Of course, he wasn't laughing of joy, but he didn't seem very frustrated either. "Are you all right?" I asked him and he nodded. "You surprised me you actually arrived. I thought that after what has happened in the woods you wouldn't want to meet me again, why should you?" "Look, you didn't act nice to me that night, I admit. But that doesn't mean we couldn't be friends, if you can tell me I don't have to worry that such a thing would happen again.

If you can, then let's forget about it for good and be friends." "Why do you do it? Because you pity me? If so then stop it, I don't need your compassion!" I frowned a bit and then said: "If you think so why did you owl me? I came because after what happened, I still think we could be quite good friends as we both have gone through difficult times which not many people understand." "I owled you, because I wanted to have a chance to apologise for my behaving but that's all. I am afraid there is too huge chasm between the two of us to be friends. I am sorry if you thought I would appreciate it, but I have to disappoint you, Miss Granger."

I stared at him for a second in surprise and then frowned a bit again. He has called me Miss Granger, how I hated when he was doing that! Everytime he used these two words it was like he rebuilt the barrier which seperated the distance between us and didn't allow to come any closer. I felt so relaxed with him, and I am sure that if nothing else he didn't feel uncomfortable with me. After all he didn't really have to apologize to me and ask me to accompany him tonight. But still...

"Why do you think that?" "I am twice older than you are, Miss Granger and let's be honest, I am not the best company to have. You are on the other hand very young and a quite naive and don't really know what the life is like. So I don't think we would have much to talk about now or in the future. That's why I don't see a reason to meet again..." "Fine! If you find this way then there really isn't much to talk about."

I stood up from the table just to crash into Melissa. She raised her eyebrow a bit and with a sweet voice asked "Are you leaving already?" She must have heard something from our argument as I could see her suspicion became even bigger. She was now looking couriously from me to Severus and back again. Probably getting inspiration for a new best selling article..."Yes, I really have to leave now, but it was nice to meet you Melissa." I made myself smile a bit and shook her hand. Than I turned towards the main door and without looking at Severus again I left.


	4. Chapter 4

After that evening, I wanted to get home as fast as posibble. When I came there to meet Severus I hoped to have a nice evening in good atmosphere, I really believed he could have good time with me as well as I with him, but he was acting so nasty! And without a good reason! I didn't want anything but to meet and talk a bit, was that so much?! Or was I as muddleblood not worthy losing time with? I honestly didn't have many people around me with who would I feel the same way. We may didn't talk much, but that little conversation we have shared gave me more than hours of nonsense talking with any of my ex classmates or colleagues...But if he finds me being a silly student who has no idea what the life is then fine! I hope the old creepy bastard returns home being alone again and will continue diving in his own bitterness which as I guess his only pleasure on the world, if I don't count bullying students and trying to interrupt beautiful day of other people, who may cross his way, of course.  
Although I have told myself I do not care about the stupid selfish machest anymore, I couldn't fell asleep. I haven't slept even for a three hours when I was woken up by my alarm. Oh how I hate mornings! Or to be accurate - how I hate not to sleep enough and then being in the position of facing the new day with its responsibilites which don't fade away just because I am tired. For today it ment to visit Ginny. I had to stop at work first, as there was some unfinished work which needed to be checked (or maybe which I needed to check to push the visit of Ginny more forward and get some time to sort my thoughts a bit) but after all I went to see my friend and to be asked about every tiny detail of the previous evening. She smashed the door open and with shinning stars in her eyes asked: "So how was it?" "How was what?" "Don't be silly! How was the date with professor Snape? You know who I mean, the grumpy bat of Hogwarts' dungeons!"She grinned and let me go in, without stopping looking at me curiously. "First, it wasn't a date. It was a meeting with a friend. And second at the end it wasn't even that, it was just an option for Mr. Snape," I made sure I said these words with deep disgustment, "to apologise me for..." "For what?" Ginny raised her eyeborow and I realized that I have again screwed up something for once. "For nothing. Forget about it please, he just wanted to see me to explain me that we don't have anything in common to meet again or so." "What kind of rubbish are you trying me to believe?" "Just the truth." "What does he mean you have nothing in common? What did happen that night?" "Nothing important, really. Especially now, when he told me what he did." "I am so sorry, Hermione." "For what? For an old grumly dungeon spider dumping of? Ginny really, there is really no reason for that. Yes, I cared about him because I felt good in his presence, I won't lie you, but it was just an illusion, illusion of a great man I wanted to have around. A hero, I wished I would meet one day, but it was just a dream and I shouldn't have hoped it would come true..." "I had no idea it ment so much to you, I am really sorry..." "It didn't, it's just...I don't even know him, or at least not as a personality which he is now. I have just this misty picture of him which is changing in each second and then of course the picture of the grumpy teacher of potions living in Hogwarts dungeons. It is just so messy, I have spent with him just that one evening which in addition didn't show him in the best light and still there was something which made me oversee all these flaws and like him, at least untill meeting him again yesterday ...Ginny I don't know..." I looked at her with hope that she could be the ne who would fix all this mess up. She stood silent for a moment and then said: "Hermione, I don't have answers for everything either,but what is important now is that this chapter of your life is gone now, it was a short one, but it's over, it was just another piece of the confusing strange puzzle which you're putting together now, but I am sure you will finish it soon and everything will be all right again." She gave me an encouraging hug that I almost had a feeling like I am twelve again in the arms of Molly. Ginny definitely was the daughter of her mothermother. She was slowly becoming the same welcoming, wise, comforting lady and I was glad I could have a such a friend around me. "I just wih I wouldn¨t have to go through all of this you know, sometimes...Sometimes I feel so lost and lonely and then after such a long time there is a guy arond me who seems to understand how I feel and listens, or maybe not, Ginny I don't know! Maybe the whole reason to waste time with me was to try revange for what I did! Maybe it was about me at all..." "What are you talking about, what did you do?" "I didn't let him die." Ginny looked at me in shock and then nodded.  
We have stayed in silence for a while again, when I realized that in recent days it is all about me, I didn't even ask my friend what was new! Oh, God! THis must stops! Right now, I am acting the same way the man I currently hate does! There was enough of pitying myself today, let's move on. "Ginny?" "Yeah?" "How is it with Harry? How was your trip to Bolivia? I thought you were supposed to spend a longer time on your vacation." "Yes, we were, but Harry was called from work immediately so we had to return after four days." "Oh, the fucking Voldemort! It seems you are not going to have a peacful time even after the war as well. In my opinion you are the first people who should have some time off and not to work all the time." "Hermione, it's Harry! There is nothing, absolutelly nothing which would keep him away of saving people's lives." "Really nothing, not even..." Ginny blushed a bit. "O.K., O.K.! Stop it Hermione, for some time there are things which makes him not to leave, but it doesn't work all the time...And actually, out holiday fullfiled its work, so I wasn't that upset to leave." I looked at her with a question and she showed me her hand with a beautiful shinning ring with a blue diamont in it. "Oh my God, Ginny! You are engaged!" "Yes, I am." SHe smiled with happines in her eyes and I finally understood her great mood since my arrival. "When did he proposed?" "The day we were supposed to leave. He told me he couldn't stay longer dute to his work duties and that he was really sorry, but that he wouldn't wait any longer to do that, because there was nothing he wished so much than to spend the rest of his life with me."Ginny told with eyes on her feet blushing. "I am so happy for you two! There is no other pair to which I would wish it so much as to you." I smiled at her when she finally stopped blushing and looked at me. "So are you going to be my bride witness?" "Really me? Are you sure I am the best person for it. You've got many other friends who would be thankful to do it..." "I don't know about any better person than you. You know both of us for such a long time, you're my best friend and...and you were with Harry when I couldn't protecting him and trying to solve all of the mess there was happening while Voldemort's time." "Of course, I would be very honoured to do so!" We hugged once more and then decided to celebrae a bit, muggle bar. "Hermione, you know what? You should et out of here for ome time." "Huh? What do you mean?" "I think you haven't been much anywhere since the war and I have seen it while being in Bolivia or anywhere else abroad, it's so much helpful, while you're dealing any problems, just to go somewhere far away, and forget about it for a moment and focus just on discovering and getting to know with new people of a bit different ulture. You really should give it a try! Take a few weeks of and go! Somewhere. Anywhere. It will help you." "I'll think about it, but I don't think my boss would be very happy not to be at work for such a long time." "Go to hell with a boss! When was the last time you went on a vacation, where was the last time you weren't at work for just 3 days?" "Well...I'm not really sure." "You see? Go and explore, the World is not just London and Hogwarts, there is much more to see." "But I love London, I really do. But it is true I could go to see somewhere else for once too." "That's what I am saying." She grinned. "But now, where are you going to have your wedding?" "Well, we have engaged on the 9th of May, rigt? So we were thinking of the 9th of September as the ideal time for there wedding, there is still plenty of time for all the neccesary planning but it's not too far away." "That sounds nice, and is it going to be a big wedding?" "Well, Harry acutally doesn't want a really huge one and me neither, but there are many people who have been supporting Harry for such a long time that we have to invite some of them so it's gonna be more than just family and friends, unfortunatelly. But I will try to keep it as personal as posibble." "That's a good plan." "So do you know where you are going? But keep on mind that anywhere you are going to be, my owl will visit you daily to give you my letters with questions about wedding place, decoration or the right dress..." "Yes, I was afraid of it.L I grinned and then we had to laugh. "What's the cause of such happiness, beautiful ladies?" We turned left and saw Dean Thomas, a classmate of Gryffindor! "Dean! What are you doing in here?" I stood up from the bar chair and hugged him, as well as Ginny did then. "I actually live quite near here, at the corner of Green park." "Are you kidding me? We have been going here with Ginny for such a long time and never really met you before." He grinned and then asked: "Can I get you some drinks?" I looked at Ginny and she nodded so I said. "Martini please, twice." He smiled and asked the waiter to get us our order. "So what's the news? We haven't seen for, how long was it? Two years?" "Yes, it runs fast." "Absolutelly! Last week I met Seamus and he already has a baby!" "Seamus? Really? I thought he wanted to go study dragons, as well as Charlie Weasley did." I said surprised. "Well he did, but returned back after six months we a girlfriend with a little dragon." We laughed and then ginny asked: "Are you meeting anyone from Hogwarts, now?" "Not really, I have heard something about George having tough times getting along his buisness, but I don't know if it is really truth. But that's all." "It is truth!" "How do you know it?" "For Godness sake, because I am his sister!" She said a bit angrily but had to smile a bit. Sometimes, people know some of the Weasley's siblings but they didn't realize that all of them are bonded together, although there were such huge age differences among them. "And what are you doing right now." "I am actually leaving abroad soon." "Do you really? And to where? And when?" "I don't know yet, I have just decided a few minutes before." "O.K., then go to New Zeland, beautiful landscapes and hills, it's very easy to clear your mind there. Try it!" "Fine, I will think about it. And how did you come up with this country?" "My boss is actually sending me thre in two weeks with my job as a reporter for a few months, so I thought it could be nice to have a chance meet you again..." I have blushed and then said: Oh, you are such..." But then I had to laugh as well as he and Ginny did. Allright then, let's give it a chance. There is nothing bonding me home, so let's go to New Zeland!

Hi! I hope you enjoyed the chapter! I am sorry if you are finding the story too slowly going, but it's not going to be one of those 5-chapter stories. ;-)  
If you liked it, review please! If you didn'T like, then review please!  



	5. Chapter 5

I often remember of the times when I took three months off and went to the other side of the World to explore. More than about anything else from that period of my life. It was a wonderful time, hard to describe. Although I almost lost my job beacuse of leaving for a quater of the year, it was worthy every sacrifice it would take and it didn't ask for so much, after all. I fell in love with this country of Kiwi inhabitants, these parts of the World has always been close to my heart, as well as to hearts of my parents. That's why I chose Australia as the place to leave them live without memories when I went to defeat Voldemort with Harry and Ron. I knew that if I didn't make it, they could live happily there, as they always dreamt about these parts of the World. I have spent a lot of time just trekking in the hills, which has been almost forgotten. Those which weren't discovered by tourist yet so you could feel being a part of nature again. I have spent a lot of time with Dean as well, at the end more than I would expect. It was very pleasant as well as all other things by which I spent my free days there. Sometimes we went to have a dinner together, sometimes we walked the whole night through the city or went to do some trek together, as we both found the nature as a great passion. I have already spent too much time inside library, looking out the windows, watching the autumn leaves fall down the trees. It was time to walk out and enjoy the fresh air and I tell you one think - it was wonderful.

Dean didn't work in the same place I stayed, although it is hard to say where I stayed, it would be acutally easier to say where I didn't, as I was moving from place to place all the time. Sometimes, when the place was so gorgeous to steal a part of my heart and settled in it, I stayed longer. Sometimes I was able to spend 3 weeks just in that one concrete place, but usually I have stayed just a few nigths and continued. That's the great thing about travelling for wizards and witches, that no matter where you are, it's not that difficult to get anywhere else. So when Dean asked me to go out with him for the first time, I was currently at the other corner of the country, but I still had enough time to dress proparly and get there five minutes before we agreed to meet. He was very nice and gentle, I wouldn't call it love by first sight, but I felt happy and satisfied and that's what mattered. With each day we spent together we became closer and closer and I would lie if I said, we were cold during a night in the mountains when we set out for a trek after about a month and half from our first dinner we had together . It was amazing, cooling, nice and much much more. We were enjoying each day or part of it we spent together as much as we could and Ginny began to be a bit grumpy in her letters beacuse of me not replying to her for ages. I was simply happy and didn't miss anything from my previous life. It was hard but important to realise as well, after my return, which wasn't any near by that time, there were some changes needed to be made to tobě Truly and honestly happy again. On the other hand, I totally understand Ginny for being angry with me, sometimes I was acting as a fool, suddenly there were no people from the past (execpt Dean, of course) and no rules as well. It wasn't very common for me to act spontaneously, and that's what Dean was trying to learn me. Sometimes it was probably a very hard work, but it was him who came with that, after all! I can't help to smile above all of these memories from New Zealand. I felt so free, as never. Although there were times without responisibilities in my life before, I was never really free, because of my own expectations, which bonded me all the time. I don't say it has changed me so much, but it gave me the peace to my mind I was searching for and I am really gratful for that to both - New Zealand and yes to Dean. And when I look back on it all again, I am unbelievable sorry for hurting him so much. He didn't deserved that, and I knew.

Every fairy tale has to stop one day, the mine ended up by returning back to London, which I loved, but didn't missed at all. Of course, I was looking forward meeting Ginny, Harry, all of the Weasleys' and after all, even my parents. They still couldn't forgive me breaking up with Ron, but didn't stop to love me, so I hoped that by this time they could be pretty over it. The night before leaving I was with Dean, as most of the days in the last few weeks of my stay in New Zealand. It was a bit cold already, so we took a blanket with us by which we cover when we laid down on a grass in a breathtaking place in the hills which we found our during the first trek which we did together. The sky was clear so we could see thousands of stars shinning down at us. We were there just like that, lying in silence snuggling to each other, when he suddenly layed over me and gazed into my eyes. "You know this is not just kind of a holiday flirt to me, don't you?" I smiled and nodded. "Do you?" I nodded again. "Say it!" "I do! I do! I do!" I shouted and my voice resonated in the hills. Than I began to laugh, untill he came closer and kissed me gently, as he has already done many times during the time we were there. But this time it was different. It was a promise, promise of loyality and faith. He loved me and I was in love. The problem is that there is a huge distance between those two, which I couldn't recognise that time.  
When we left the place to get me to my apartment to go sleep a bit and pack my last things, I felt sad beacuse of leaving him there and going home on my own again, it was nice to be a part of someone again. He had to stay there one more month but promised to return to London as soon as he is allowed. We were standing in front of the door to my apartment looking at each other and then we exchanged a few last words. "I love you Hermione." And he really did. I knew it, just from the way he looked at me. "I love you too." I said to him and then kissed him for the second time that evening. But I didn't. If I did, I couldn't act to him the way I did. No, I couldn't truly love him, I am sure about it now.

I was welcomed in London by all the traffic noise which this horibbly beautiful city brings. "Maybe it wouldn't be such a bad idea to move to the country." I said to myself when entered my flat. "Where would you like to move Mione? Didn't you get enough of that yet?" There was Ginny standing in the hall in front of me and I put all my things down to hug her. She hasn't changed much, or at least it could not be revealed by the first sight. "So how is the Wedding planning?" "Don't even ask! If I knew what it would mean, I would probably break up with Harry the day he proposed to me just to avoid it. We agreed on a small Wedding with family, friends and just the most helping people during the war to be invited ONLY! And we ended up having a wedding like princess Diana with prince Charles had!" I laughed and lead my friend to the kitchen. "How did you get in?" "I still have allowed entrance to your flat as one of the few who have. I wouldn't be surprised if I was the only one. But as I look at you and think about of how often you thought of and wrote to your poor friend, I would bet there might be one more guy allowed to entry, am I right?" She grinned and I blushed a bit. How was it that every time I wanted to hide something from her she knew exactly what was going on? She was worse than my own mum!" "I did not get a single word about any men you would spend some time with there so who is it?" "Dean." I whispered hoping she could overhear it, of course she didn't! "Oh my God, so my guesses where right! I am so good in this!" "Oh Ginny, do not fancy your self so much!" "Why shouldn't I? I am the best top secrets revealing friend in the world." I just grinned and went to make some snack. "So how serious is it?" "I do not know, I wouldn't say very much. We are close, that's true. But I don't know how it is going be like when he returns" I was lying, of course I hoped we would continue dating and could even imagine moving him with me. Ginny, of course noticed. "You are lying! It is much more serious than you are saying, isn't it?" "Maybe..." That was the only answered I offered her and she accepted it pretty satisfied. "But let's talk about the wedding now, it's in three days already and I don't even know which dress you prepared me to wear at your wedding as your wedding witness!" "You'll love it, it's simply gorgeous." And she showed me a very beautiful dress in the 50s shape of red wine colour. "So what? Do you like it?" "It is beautiful, thank you Ginny!" "No thanks, now you at least know that your best friend has a taste." "That's true." I smiled and went to try it if it fits me. It did and I couldn't deny this dress was simply gorgeous. "It's not the dress, Hermione, it's you!" "Oh stop it! And now it's your turn to dress up the dress you are wearing." "I didn't take it with me but I can show you a photo." I nodded and so she put out a photo out of her pocket. She was standing in a beautiful simple white dress with a bit a lace on the sleeves and shyly smiling in the camera." "Ginny, I don't have enough words to explain how beauifuly you look but I guess Harry will do this work for me." I grinned and she pushed me a bit but smiled as well. "So what are we going to do now now?" "Well you are invited to have dinner with us in burrow. If you don't mind, of course." "Surely not, it will be lovely to meet your parents after such a long time." It's actually becoming busier and busier at burrow as our wedding is coming closer." Ginny said with a worry in her eyes, but when I assured her again I would be just fine in such a company she left to give me some time to unpack and get dressed and then I met her at her and Harry's house, before we went to burrow together. "Prepared?" She asked. I nodded and so we moved to the burrow. When we entered, it was pretty busy there, as Ginny warnef. It was like the Weasleys' children have returned to Hogwarts and were supposed to pack for the school year tonight. Except Mr. and Mrs. Weasley, there was Bill with Fleur, Charlie and George. "Hello!" We said with Ginny unisono. "Oh Hello sweethearts!" Said Mrs. Weasley and went to hug us before she showed us free chairs at the table to sit. It was a very pleasant evening, we were sitting there eating delicious dinner and I really felt like being the school girl again. "The rest of our family comes tomorrow, except Charlie and Percy who arrive in the morning on Ginny and Harry's wedding becuase of work." Mrs. Weasley explained to me. "I see." I answered with and gave her a smile. She smiled back and so we continued eating. It seemed to have a few rough days in front of us.


	6. Chapter 6

The wedding day was here and everything and everyone seemed to go crazy at the burrow in the morning, when I arrived to help with the last finnishing works. After a half an hour, all things seemed to be prepared and so Mrs. Weasley asked everyone, except Ginny and Harry to leave until the ceremonial to provide them some privacy before the whole thing begins. I refused to acommpony the rest of the Weasleys and went back home to write a letter to Dean that I am fine and a bit selfishly added that I am honestly looking forward when all this mess ends. Then I dressed up and arrived exactly on time to have an option say some supporting words to Ginny and went to the wedding tent in the garden at the Burrow, very similar to the one in which Fleur and Bill got married. I didn't pay much attention to other guests who were now filling all free space in the tent and garden. I went to stay the front part of the tent where Harry was staying, to be among the other wintesses. I smiled at Harry, steped to the site and then I almost fell down on the ground. In front of me, on Harry's side there was Severus staring at me, with his ususal nothing saying face. What was he doing here? Stupid question, it was more than clear, Harry has asked him to be his witness! And he agreed? He? To be at Harry Potter's wedding? Why didn't Ginny tell me? Oh, I am going to kill her immediatly! Or maybe I'll wait until the ceremonial ends. For a few seconds we were just looking at each other and then the bride came. I gave her a bit dangerous smile and she smiled calmly back, she obviously knew exactly what was going on but continued like there was nothing bothering her mind. Then the officiant arrived and the official ceremonal began.  
After that, many people went to say their congratulations to the new couple so I went to a que without giving Severus another look. I went to the complete end of the que, so when I got to say good luck to Harry and GInny, I could take Ginny away for a moment and asked her what was going on. "What do you mean by inviting Severus Snape on your wedding and not telling me a word about that?" "I was afraid it could make you angry a bit..." "A bit? A BIT?" "Oh come on Hermione! Harry told me how important it was to him to have him here and it has been such a long time so I thought you wouldn't mind..." "Do you know what I do mind? Meeting Severus Snape on your wedding without having an idea he would be here!" "O.K. I was a bit afraid it could make you too angry, enough to take it as good reason not to arrive, that's why I didn't tell you and now execuse me please, there is a wedding on here, and by the way - I am the bride!." I gave her an apologising look, I probably overreacted, yes, I was angry but still, it was HER day and I had no right to interrupt it. She smiled in agreement and said: "It's O.K." Then she turned away to other guests and I stood there on my own. It didn't make me less angry, but no it wasn't the time to show it to Ginny...Not now. The rest of the celebration went pretty slowly, I was listening to the wedding speeches, I refused to give one and GInny respected my request. I wasn't very much about the speeches at all, but it was still polite to listen to them. The sun was slowly comming down and the wedding has already turned into a real party. Ginny changed her clothes into a more comfortable one and was now dancing with her brother Bill.  
I was staying in one corner of the room with a glass of champagne in my hand, watching those two dancing. I looked around me and saw that Severus is staying quite close to me, I didn't know how long he has been there, but I frowned."It seems you aren't very happy to see me." His cold voice said. I looked at him. He was staying next to me, looking at me carefully, like he tried to find some changes on me since the last time we met. "You noticed? Oh how observant you are!" I said ironically but it didn't seem it made him angry at all."I was invited by Mr. Potter." "I see. Than enjoy the evening." I said and turned to go out of the tent, but he slowly followed me. "You know, when you wish someone to have a nice evening, it is like you are saying the person good bye. And when you say good bye to some one, it means you are leaving him. Usually when you leave someone..." "Thank you, Miss Granger for a lesson of polite acting. However I wouldn't say you were the best example of polite behaviour today." He turned at me and gazed into my eyes. Each word he said was comming to me very slowly, but suddenly like I wasn't able to catch them all. I made a step back to the wall of the tent and he made one forward saying: "It seems we haven't seen each other for a pretty long time, Miss Granger." "That's true sir, the last time we met I wasn't mature and clever enough to intrude you by talking to you."I said coldly. He made one more step forward me, but there was no place to drop back anymore. He didn't stop looking into my eyes, now a bit angrily but avidly as well, and then he kissed me. Passionately, like he wanted to do it for the whole day, for the whole week, for the whole life...He surprised me, but if it was because of too much champagne, or if it was because I was dying to do the same for the whole day - I let him kiss me. I don't know how long we were there, I just remember being taken in his arms and moved to his house. Gently.


	7. Chapter 7

We transported in front of an old viktorian house in small village in the countryside. He entered the beautiful main door with me still in his arms and we got to a main hall, where he put me on the floor again, but was careful enough to make sure I didn't get hurt. He pushed me against the wall and began to kiss me passionately again. I put my legs around him and he whispered to my ear: „Not in here."

He took me through the old-fashioned house towards very old wooden stairs. It gave me the pause which was enough for me to begin hesitating a bit but it all melt when I entered a breathtaking library. It was a library I have always dreamt about, with a small table to sit and read at the window so you can watch the tree leaves move in the wind, while you are turning the pages. It was all about the feeling you got when you entered the room, which was undescribeable. „Do you like it?" I couldn't say a word, just nodded. It was breathtaking, as well as he was. But when he touched me again, I shook my head a bit to show my disagreement.

"We have to stop. It's too bad." "Says who?" And he began to kiss my neck very genetly that I couldn't help but moan in satisfaction, which made him continue even more intensive. "Severus, no! Severus please! Please, stop!" I cried with all power I was able to find in myself. But my rational thinking was too weak next to the passion which was killing me alive. He stopped and instead of continuing in torturing me by his gentle kisses he just gazed into my eyes for a while.

"Why did you stop?" I whispered confused." "To give you time to decide whether this is what you want." "I never wanted something so badly" I admit. He looked in my eyes again and was becoming closer and closer very slowly until I couldn't make it anymore and kissed him. Suddenly we were kissing and touching like there was nothing else in the world but this moment. This feeling. No tomorrow to come, no yesterday to return . I put my hand in his hair and began to stroke them. His hands has reached my back and were slowly comming down. I began to kiss him on his neck and as he moaned he tried to open the buttons of my blouse. I tried to help him and put my blouse of, revealing my black lace bra. He began to lick my earlobe and I began to open the buttons of his shirt and moved my kisses to his chest. Then I took it of him and he has pushed me against him that I could feel his pants becoming tough. His hands have reached my bottom and began to touch it gently. I opened the button of his trousers and he was suddenly in front of me just in his underwear, which didn't stay much longer. My trousers followed and then he took me in his arms and gently put on the sofa in the other corner of his library. He opened my bra and began to lick me from my lips down the neck to my belly button to my knickers, which he began to put down very very slowly, until I had to shout at him to hurry up as I couldn't wait anymore. He gently slipped into me, it hurt a bit in the beginning which made me give a silent cry, which scared him a bit, I made him to continue by the moves of my hips. We continued until both of us ended up in sweet satisfiction. He then fell down next me and fell asleep.


	8. Chapter 8

I woke up in my bed and looked around myself. It took me a few minutes to realize where I was and what day it was before being able of thinking about anything else. I was very tired and my head was about to burn in pain. I had a headache and couldn't remember much from the previous night - Oh God, I had to drink a lot! But why would I? I never have more than two glasses of wine or champagne. I went out of my room and led my way to the kitchen. I put some water in a mug and with one wave of my wand boiled it. I really needed a strong coffee. I took the mug in one hand and headed to the living room to sit for a minute. I sat down and closed my eyes for a second, I tried to think of some things which happened during the previous night, but it was unsuccessful. I opened them again and. noticed a few letters lying on the coffee table. I opened one in a light blue envelope. It was from Ginny, she was sending me her regards as she went to the honeymoon with Harry and also asking whether I was all right as they couldn't find me anywhere for the wedding photography. Wedding photography? Honeymoon? Of course! Ginny had her wedding day yesterday! What was wrong with me? Why did it take me so much time to remember such a simple thing? But it still didn't explain much. Where did I go to when I was nowhere to be found during taking the wedding photos? When we were talking about planning of the wedding with Ginny, she shared with me the wish to take the wedding photos in the moonlight, that means that I could be there for quite a long time and then maybe, I don't know, didn't feel well and went home? That is quite a rational explanation, but I guess Ginny can tell me more when she returns. I am not gonna tell her I don't remember a single thing from her wedding day when she sets out for the honeymoon. No, I can't do that. But something didn't fit into the whole theory. I don't know what, but there had to be something else for me to get drunk that much that I cannot remember anything, I don't go to my best friends' wedding to get drunk! At least not that much!

I took a list of paper and wrote down my apologises for not being there for the photos and added some warm wishes for having fabulous honeymoon. Then I put on the side of the table and opened the other letter which was lying there. It was from Dean. He was asking me how was the return to the "reality" by which he meant London. He also mentioned he is meeting his boss soon to ask whether he couldn't leave sooner, he couldn't stand being without me for such a long time. His letter was very warming and made me smile, he really loved me, that was for sure and I finally found myself not being able to be without him for a very long time either. That's why I wrote him back asking him to do his best to return as soon as possible. There was one more letter from my boss but I decided not to ruin my good mood by reading it now and instead of that I went to prepare some light lunch and wrote down last message, it was for Ron. I asked him whether he was free for today as we could meet. We haven't seen each other for a long time and after all we have gone through, I still took him as a great friend of mine. Love is not meant for everybody. But for us, it was a real friendship which we weren't supposed to throw away just like that. I got a response from him exactly when I put the plate with food on the table. Ron had time in the afternoon as he didn't work late today. I wrote him back that I would wait for him at 2 p.m. in front of his office at Ministry of Magic and so I did.

I haven't seen Ron for a long time, but the last time I have seen him it was an immature Hogwarts student, although the Hogwarts times have been gone for good for quite a long time by that. But now, an adult man came out of the office from ministry of mysteries department. He smiled at me and so did I. "How are you doing Mione?" He asked as I gave him a friendly hug. "Great. What about you? What are the news? I haven't noticed you on the wedding and not even in the burrow." "You know, I am busy all the time now as I got a better working position." "Oh, of course! I have heard about it." I nodded. "But I didn't miss the wedding of my little sister and my best friend! And by the way, Harry needed to get some strong warning what is going to happen to him if he ever hurts her, you know." "I bet he did!" I laughed as we went out of the building. "And where are we actually going?" I suddenly stopped when we got to the streets of rush muggle London. "I don't know, don't you fancy a walk?" "That sounds great. Let's go. And how is your personal life? Someone interesting is being around?" I asked and had to smile because of his reaction, some things never changes..."Well...ehm...There was - there is actually someone who I care about. Her name is Melissa. She is a reporter." "Wait, Melissa? I have met one reporter Melissa, I gave her my description of the war." "That's her! She told me about doing this, she has talked almost to everyone, even to George and Percy and me...actually. That's how we met. She doesn't write to any very important tabloid yet, but I'm sure her time will come." That explains why I have never actually heard about what she made from mine and Severuse's speech, but it was probably better for everyone, it meant not many people really paid attention to it. "And when did you meet her?" "Well, it is actually quite a long time ago, something about 3 months back, I guess and it wasn't just me there, I went with Sev - professore Snape. The order of Phoenix asked him to talk to the wizard media at least a bit, you know, about what has happened, but he hates all these things," "So surprising!" Ron interuppted me ironicaly. I didn't care and continued: "and because we have met a few days before on the anniversary of the end the war, he asked me whether I wouldn't mind to accompany him at such an interview so he didn't have to face it on his own." I have suddenly stopped. It seemed I may have said a bit too much, but I had an urgent need in myself to explain it with each detail, which was connected to it. "Oh, O.K. But was it really necessary to go with him there? I know he was brave and on our side for the whole time, but it still doesn't change anything about the fact that he could be dangerous..." "He is not dangerous Ron!" I burst out a bit more than I actually wanted to. Something inside me wanted me to protect him I couldn't explain it to myself or anyone else, but it was something I was sure, wouldn't have done being still in New Zealand by this time, something had to happen, or maybe I just needed to make the world a bit more fair...

_Oh silly me, of course I already had some feelings to him, I just could not remember why and even if I could, I am sure I would be stubb__o__rn enough to deny it all anyway..._

"All right, if you think, I am just worried about you to be safe, that's all Hermione." "Sorry Ron, I know that, I just don't like how people judge others after the war so easily, without thinking of it twice before. But I know you meant it well - at least for me. Thank you." I gave him an apologising look and at the end he smiled a bit. "That's all you Hermione, loyal and protecting others all the time just not to let them be hurt. And that's what I appreciate so much."

_Oh I wish it was true. I always believed in those, I don't know what has broken in me that I, suddenly, without a warning, began to hurt all people who crossed my way. And the more I wanted to make my behaviour better, the more I hurt them. I hope they will be able to forgive me one day..._

"So how serious it is between you and Melissa?" I tried to change the topic. "Well, I don't know, honestly. But I care about her - a lot." "Care?" I raised my eyebrow. "Honestly?" "Yes, and I also like her very much..." "Like?" "O.K. O.K.! I love her, satisfied?" I smiled. "Yes, I am. Did you tell her?" "Yes! Ehm...no actually ...almost." "Almost?" "I was above to tell her but then I lost my mind that she may doesn't take it as serious as I do, so..." "So?" I was waiting patiently. "So I just changed the topic." "Oh you silly! You haven't changed at all, have you? Come on, you have to tell her. If you take it seriously with her, then you have to!" "But why?" "So she knows how you take your relationship seriously and you'll find out if she does too." "But Hermione, what if she doesn't?" He asked me with worry in his eyes. "Then there is no reason to continue, right?" He didn't answer immediately, but nodded in agreement a bit. "Hermione, do you think it will end up the same way as between us? That I am madly fell in love but at the end I will find out we aren't really meant to be together?" "Oh Ron! Is it what you are worried about? Look." I stopped walking, looked into his eyes and took his hands to mine. "What has happened between the two of us is completely different, and I don't really think such thing would happen to any of us again. We have known each other for seven years, spent almost every minute in Hogwarts together and then, when we went to defeat Voldemort, we all felt unconscious. We were trying to find at least some certainty to rely on and found it in each other for some time, maybe we were in love, maybe even madly in love, but it wasn't the real true love which would satisfy us forever. You have to remember this, we wouldn't be happy together, both of us know that. Very close friendship can be sometimes confusing and misleading. But just because it took a bit longer time to realize it, it doesn't mean it will happen in all relationship we will ever have. Understand?" He nodded. "Thank you Hermione, you are the best friend I have ever had, I am just sorry we have lost so much time we could happily spend together, by arguing about all of that, you know." "We were both hurt and confused, that sometimes happen, but we were able to get through it and that gives us the possibility to stay here now, face to face without trying to kill each other." "Or sending a bunch of stupid birds…" I pushed him a bit. "Hey! That was different, you deserved it that time. You truly deserved that!" I smirked. "I know I did." He grinned and we continued in the walk.


	9. Chapter 9

I was asleep and was having the same dream, as several nights before. I was in a library with a tall, well-built stranger kissing and having very intimate moments. These moments were so precious for me that when I woke up, it was vey hard for me to get up instead falling asleep and being with those dreams again. The only strange thing was, that I couldn't recognize face of that gorgeous man who was with me in all those dreams. Oh, what's going on with me in recent time? I really need Dean to return soon, otherwise I'm afraid I will go crazy from all those naughty dreams!

I made myself get out off the bed and go to have some breakfast. I didn't feel like eating but still made some eggs with bacon. It was two weeks from meeting with Ron and not much really happened since then. Except being ALMOST fired for the next time, because of not responding to my boss' letteres immediately. Yes, working began again for me, and as before I left to New Zealand, it didn't bring me much satisfaction now either. It was boring never ending work which didn't give me any spectecular reason to have a good feeling from good work which I made.

I have actually passed a training to become an auror before I went to do this job (not that I would need it, the girl who has followed „The boy who lived" and helped him to defeat Voldemort didn't really need to pass training to become an auror,however, I didn't find really fair so I decided to pass it anyway. It wasn't very difficult for me, however, In the first days of my work as an auror I got an urgent need to begin doing some calmer work, after all, I deserved a bit of peace after the war. So I changed my position to the first one they offered me. Now, I see it a bit diffent again, maybe returning to the Auror career wouldn't be that bad, they can never have enough people and it would be a posibility to be more with Harry as well. I needed to have a job which leads somewhere, which has some real meaning to be done. I think I can handle a bit of stress more in my life. Maybe I even need it!

I was sitting at the table, a table of fried eggs with bacon and I was trying to put something from it in me, when the someone knocked at the door. I went to ope nand there was – standing in front of me with a great smile on his lips Dean! „Oh my God!" I cried and ran into his hug. We stayed in a tight hug for a moment and then we exchanged a passionate kiss. „I have missed you! I…I have missed you so much!" Suddenly a hot tear rolled down my face, I didn't knot where all those emotions came from. I have been on my own for three weeks and felt pretty fine, and then he arrives and tooks all my confidence away. „Oh sweetheart! I have missed you so much as well! But stop it, it is fine now." He said and drought the one lost tear. „I'm sorry, I'm behaving so silly…" I said quietly, because I wasn't sure whether I wouldn't burst in teras completely, if I talked more loudly. „It's all right, honey. Come, let's go in. If I may, of course." He smiled encouragingly. „Sure! Come." I took his hands and led his to inside.

„You have it nice, in here." He appreciated my modest acommodation. „I try to make the best of it, although it's not very huge. But it is the best I can afford." „They don't pay you well?" „Not, if you take three months off during a working year…" I said sarcasticly. „Oh, I understand." He said putting his luggages down. „Can I get you something to drink? Puklin juice? Butter bear? Water?" „No, I'm fine, thank you." He said pushing me closer to him again. „I have missed you so much, you can't imagine how, but my boss didn't let me leave earlier." „You have arrived earlier!" I protested. „But not enough, the last days were hell for me when you were not around. You know I love you, don't you?" He said bitting my lips gently. „Of course I do." „And that there's nothing I wouldn't do for you, right?" I gazed into his eyes and said: „Then stay, please." „As you wish" He said and brushed my lips with his. He put my arms around my waist and moved them slowly down. „Hey! Slow down! It's eight o'clock in the morning!" „Which means?" He said not looking worried about anything else and continued in what he was doing. „That means that it's – too – earley – for – such – things." I was saying among the kisses. „No, I'm afraid it's actually a bit late…" He began to kiss my neck. It was adorable. So I shut up for a moment, but not for too long. He put me in his arms and a bit confused tried to find the bedroom, in the end he was pretty satisfied with finding the sofa. „I'll be late at work!" „Some more reasons?" „No, no more, unfortunatelly." I teased him. „Fine." He nodded satisfied and began to undress me.


	10. Chapter 10

I have to admit, that for several upcoming weeks I was truly, honestly and compeltely happy. Dean was the right man for me, he love me with all his heart and that's more than any woman could ask for. I don't know if it's because of sentiment, or because of any other reason, I would like to return back to the day when Dean arrived to my home for the first time.

„Where are my shoes?" „What? „I ask where are my shoes, they were exactly here…or weren't they?" I became a bit unsure, but Dean lying on the sofa, not realizing the world is still moving honestly made me angry. „Hey! Stop lying on the stupid sofa and help my find my shoes!" He looked up on me and grinned. „I'm afraid I cannot help you with the shoe thing, but I'm sure I could help you to get lost some other part of our clothes, what about the shirt?" „Stop it! It's not funny! I really need to find them or I'm already late at work now, I can't afford to come even later. Stop it! Stop grinning!" Of course, it made him grin and laugh even more. „What about usány the magic, Hermione?"

„Oh God, I'm so stupid. I'm freaking out here for such a long time while I could already be at work." „Or somewhere else…" „Hey! I think it was enough for today!" I said and threw a shoe, which just flyed to my han dat him. „Ouch! Enough for today, really? What about the evening?" „I!ll have to think about it twice." I said but had to grin. „And now give me the shoe!" „Just if you tell me it isn't all for today." „I'll see, and now give it to me!" „Promise, or I won't give it to you." „You selfish nitwit! Accio shoe!" „Expelliarrmus!" He stopped my spell. I stared at him with opened mouth.

„How you dare?! All right, if you don't give it to me, then I take it myself." I said and went t him, dangerously angry. „Don't even try to think something is going to happen tonight after this!" I said while staying upon him, trying to get the shoe. „But that would be shame!" He said, when I finally touched the shoe, but he didn't let it go. Instead of that he used his sekond arm to get me on the sofa next to him. „What are you doing." „ I'm trying to prove you what kind of a great shame it would be if you stayed angry with me too long."


	11. Chapter 11

I was sitting in the kitchen holding a hot mug tightly in my hands. So tightly it almost burned them, but I didn't care. "Mione, come on, eat something. You need to be stronger, it's not all just about you anymore." I looked at her, the fear was so clear in my eyes. ''Mione stop it, it's not such a big deal.'' "'Isn't it? Really?'' I said and my voice was shaking, partly, hard to say if it was because of the anger or the sadness and tiredness.

''Being a mother isn't a big deal? Especially without permanent daddy?'' ''All right, it is a big deal! It is not fun and you have to have a responsible attitude to it, but you've got all of these! You'll be a great mommy and I've seen you with Dean, he's crazy about you. He truly loves you. I know that, I saw it in his eyes, in the way he looked at you. And if it is posibble, he will love you even more when he finds out.''

I looked at her and hold her hands. She didn't look at me for a moment, when she finally encouraged herself to do so, there were tears in her eyes. ''Ginny…'' she whispered. ''I'm scared…'' ''Oh honey!" I said and hugged her tightly. ''Everything is going to be fine. Trust me, I will be there for you and so will Dean. You are so loved, you don't need to be afraid.''

Yes, it was true. I was pregnant and Dean returned from New Zealand just two weaks before I found out. Probably a travel souvenir. I was happy with him, having great time, feeling save and satisfied, but I just felt it was happening too fast and I couldn't catch it somehow. Thank god for Ginny, she already could alwaya understand my fears. Still it was different with her, she had Harry, the love of her life, they were meant to be together. Was it the same with me and Dean? I hardly knew him.

"Mione look, have you been to a healer already?'' ''Not yet.'' I had to admit. ''Then you should, how can you be so sure about it then?'' ''Ginny, I made a pregnancy revealing potion, I was an excellent student, I think I am able to make a trustworthy potion, which could make a 15 year old.''

''All right, but you should go there anyway, to be sure that you and the baby are both all right.'' ''Fine, mum!'' I said and shook my head.'' ''He you would be careful enough, we wouldn't have to have this mother daughter conversation, young lady!'' Ginny grinned. But I didn't. ''It was a joke, Mione. just a joke. I know you are responsible and –'' ''That's fine, just…Ginny, I really don't remember being irresponsible. I always used the protection…''

''Well, maybe, sometimes you are so taken away by the passion, that you just forgot. It's nothing you should be ashamed of. I'm sure you'll feel the same when you'll be holding your little precious in your arms for the very first time.''

''You talk like you have already gone through this already.'' She avoided my look. ''Ginny?" ''I…I had a miscarriage.'' "Oh, god, I had no idea! I'm so sorry…'' ''It's fine, but it still hurts. I think, what would the child be like, whether it would be smart or…'' ''Come here.'' I said and opened my arms. A tear rolled down her faces and so we hugged. ''If there was anything I could help you about…'' ''No, it's fine. You have your own battle out there waiting for you. I'll make through it, and so will you.''


End file.
